I was just eating dinner with my brothers, sister, mother, grandmother, and three of my cousins.
My youngest cousin, I think he’s nine, had made a really good cake for dessert. Like, reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllly good. So good I wolfed down one piece and went back for seconds. But that’s not saying much because I don’t have much self-control to begin with.
But this cake was amazing.
As we were eating the cake, my mother told my cousin, “Women like a man who can cook.”
She then immediately turned to me, caught me dropping food out of my mouth as I frequently do, and said, “Men like a woman who can keep her food in her mouth.”
We then went on to have a discussion about why each single person at the table was still single. Nevermind that the median age was 15.
We determined the reason I’m single is because I eat two pieces of cake in the time it takes most people to eat one, and then eat the crumbs I drop off my shirt.
I think there’s more to it, but that’s a little depressing. I hope my single-dom isn’t solely due to my inability to eat neatly. That just seems cruel. I enjoy food to much to make sure it isn’t falling off my fork/out of my mouth while I eat.