This is why I don’t have a significant other

I was just eating dinner with my brothers, sister, mother, grandmother, and three of my cousins.

My youngest cousin, I think he’s nine, had made a really good cake for dessert. Like, reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllly good. So good I wolfed down one piece and went back for seconds. But that’s not saying much because I don’t have much self-control to begin with.

But this cake was amazing.

As we were eating the cake, my mother told my cousin, “Women like a man who can cook.”

She then immediately turned to me, caught me dropping food out of my mouth as I frequently do, and said, “Men like a woman who can keep her food in her mouth.”

We then went on to have a discussion about why each single person at the table was still single. Nevermind that the median age was 15.

We determined the reason I’m single is because I eat two pieces of cake in the time it takes most people to eat one, and then eat the crumbs I drop off my shirt.

I think there’s more to it, but that’s a little depressing. I hope my single-dom isn’t solely due to my inability to eat neatly. That just seems cruel. I enjoy food to much to make sure it isn’t falling off my fork/out of my mouth while I eat.

Stupid manners.


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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, My family

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