Category Archives: Girlfriend


So Curly-haired Crush and I are sometimes more like five-year-olds on a playground than college students in a serious relationship.

She came over to my apartment to eat lunch today. We had fried egg sandwiches covered in delicious chili sauce.


Om nom nom. I eat this on everything. Even spaghetti.


And then I started chasing her around the apartment trying to kiss her. And she ran from me. Very first grade.

And when I was about to catch her, my foot caught on the hem of my pants and I fell. Hard.

A few moments later my roommate stuck her head out of her bedroom and informed me the force of my crash had made things fall off of her desk.

My knee is bruised.

I feel like I was much more graceful when I was five.


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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, Girlfriend, So Damn Excited

What’s with me?

I’m an emotional wreck today.  I was fine, but then I let things get to me.

Last night I made out with a boy.  Fine and dandy.  Kissing and groping and whatnot.

Stupidly, I sent ex-girlfriend a drunken text.

Haha.  Now I’ve kissed someone since we broke up, too.

She’s been dating someone since a week after we broke up.  Maybe less, she didn’t give me exact time frames.

I’ve been fine with the breakup lately.  It’s over, it happened.  I don’t regret that it happened anymore.  But that she’s dating someone else already just makes me feel like I was only a distraction for her.  She was just wasting her time with me until something better came along.

I’ve never had great self-esteem.  And this has sent it plummeting through the floor.

Then, to add insult to injury, today the conversation escalated and she called me a whore.  Repeatedly.

And tell me how amazing her new woman is.

There’s nothing about your personality that I like.

It just brings up all these insecurities that I don’t have a good personality.  I already feel like people don’t like me.  I have zero charisma.  But I try so hard to be a good person.  And I hope other people can see that, but I wonder so often.

And she’s made me question everything good about myself.

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Filed under Absolutely zero charisma, Girlfriend, Lonely, Things I don't like about Myself, What Now?

Broken up.

She broke my heart and doesn’t care.
She says she just fell out of love with me.
There’s noone I can talk to about it because the relationship was a secret.
I’m so fucking depressed. I hate her for ever coming into my life.

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Filed under Chronically Single, Girlfriend, What Now?


She broke my heart and doesn’t care.

She says she just fell out of love with me.

There’s noone I can talk to about it because the relationship was a secret.

I’m so fucking depressed. I hate her for ever coming into my life.

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Filed under Chronically Single, Girlfriend, What Now?

I Didn’t Realize Even Breakups Could Cost Me Money

So, I girlfriend broke up about a week ago, got back together, then I broke up with her again, and then we got back together for a few tumultuous days.  Then this afternoon she asked if we could just be friends.

What could I do?

I went to the grocery store to get the mandatory break-up Doritos, fashion magazine, and lemonade to mix my vodka with.

But, because nothing at all in my life can go right, my debit card decided not to work.  Even when we typed in the numbers.  There’s money in my account, I checked before I went.  More than enough to cover the $10 I spent at the grocery store.

So I, after several attempts by multiple people to make my card work, had to go home to get cash.  Of course I never have cash, so I stole some money from my sister. But don’t worry, faithful readers, I’ll return it.  Hopefully before she even realizes it’s gone.  Unethical, but whatevs.

Did I mention that I live in a small town, so I knew three our of the four people who tried to help me?

It’s so embarrassing to not even be able to buy your own breakup necessities.

But at this point I’m drunk enough I don’t reeeeeeaaaaaallllllllllyyyyy care.  Although I have a feeling I won’t want to go to the grocery store for a few days.

And I’ll have to figure out why my card isn’t working. Fuck.

(And thank god for spell check.)

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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, Constant money problems, Girlfriend, Let the Lameness Roll, Where I live

Hey Jealousy

There’s really only one major bad thing that’s happened in my relationship with Girlfriend.  I know we’ve only been dating 5+ months, but that’s seriously the only thing.

What Girlfriend did was make out with another girl.  In my bed.  It was a while ago, probably 4 months ago.

But I can’t seem to get over it.  The girl she made out with is (supposedly) straight, and they were both very very drunk.  That was a night that four girls consumed an entire fifth of Jose Cuervo in my apartment.  But I still can’t get over it.

We’ve talked about it.  A lot.  Even still. For a while I thought I’d moved on.  I didn’t mind them.

But then Girlfriend and her Drunken Make-out talked about how awkward it was for them that they’d made out.  Now they’re great friends.

And I’m incredibly jealous.

The most difficult part is that I can’t explain to people why I hate Drunken Make-out, least of all her.  I have to pretend to be nice.  I shouldn’t hate her, but I do.

(For those who don’t read this blog, which is everyone, Girlfriend and I are not openly a couple.  I’m also not supposed to know that Girlfriend and Drunken Make-out made out.  Girlfriend told me, but DMO doesn’t know I know.)

Now I feel like every minor fight stems from my jealousy over this other person.

I realize how ridiculous it is to be jealous.  But every time Girlfriend speaks about DMO in any way that isn’t hateful, I get jealous.
I can’t even take jokes about them. I hate the thought of them being alone together.

And I want to thing that I’m ridiculous and silly for feeling like this.  But I know that if I really thought it was ridiculous, I would be able to convince myself not to feel this way.  I just want to think it’s ridiculous.

Hopefully it’ll wear off soon.  Or DMO will transfer schools.

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Filed under Girlfriend, Things I don't like about Myself, What Now?

So there’s this girl…

I know I’ve written about boys I’m attracted to before.  But I’m dating a girl right now.  Just over four months now, actually.

I haven’t written about this amazing person because people don’t understand my belief in fluid sexuality.  I’m attracted to an individual for a variety of characteristics, and gender is only a small part of that.

This is hellas awkward to explain to people.  And this relationship is very discrete.  Only our closest friends know we’re dating.  My roommate doesn’t even know.  Which makes for awkward situations on a regular basis.

The other day, my girlfriend and I were…busy…in the bedroom.  She got out of bed, put clothes on, and walked into the living room right as my roommate unlocked the front door.

I’d moved slower and was still in just a bra and underwear.

So in walks the roommate, sees me, and just shouts my name in surprise.

I mutter “Oh, shit!” to myself, and then come up with a brilliant idea.  Well, less than brilliant, but at least some form of cover-up.

“Do you want to see the dress my mom sent me, too?”

Said while half-naked from behind my now semi-closed door.

Roommate pauses for a long time, then says, “Is your new dress your bra and underwear?”

I still don’t understand what that meant, but I say no and proceed to quickly pull the new dress from my closet and put it on, hoping that it will fit, as I’ve never tried it on before.

Fortunately, it does, Roommate says it’s cute, I change back, and Girlfriend and I leave.

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Filed under Girlfriend