Category Archives: It’s my fault I’m so goddamn awkward

Overly Obsessed With Harry Potter

I just wanted to share the conversation I had via text messaging with a good friend/former roommate the other day while I was at work.

It’s about Harry Potter.  Here it is. Verbatim.

Me: Oh my god there are Weasley look-a-likes in the restaurant! The one who looks like the twins even has on a striped scarf!

Former roommate: KIDNAP THEM FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!

FR: But he has glasses, so maybe he’s more of a Percy.  The kid with him is totally a Charlie.  And I will try to kidnap them; they’re very tall!

FR: Percy was taller than the twins!

Me: Totally a Percy, then. I want them!

Me: I’m creepily staring at them. Decided it’s Percy and a cross between Ron and Charlie.

FR: Just ask the parents if you can have them!

Me: No parents around. Percy looks our age and they’re out on a brother-date! So fucking cute.

FR: ASK PERCY ON A DATE FOR ME!!!!!

Me: I can’t just go up to Percy Weasley and ask him on a date for you!

FR: …Yes you can!!!!!

Me: Oh my god he even does the looking over the rim of his glasses thing I pictured Percy doing when he was a prefect!

FR: PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! unless charlie is near our age. Then him.

Me: The more I stalk him the more Ron he becomes.

Me: Ron is about half a foot taller than Percy.  But looks about 17. Percy looks in his early 20s.

FR: But I want ron!

Me: I think he’s talking about a college course now. He may be at least 18.

Me: Spoiler alert: they don’t have British accents.

FR: Did you ask them out for me?

Me: No. I’m sorry…

FR: Our friendship is over.

Me: I’m sorry. But you can’t just go up to the Weasleys and ask them out!

FR: YES YOU CAN!

Me: NO YOU CAN’T! YOU COULD MAYBE DO THAT TO NEVILLE OR LUNA OR CRABBE AND GOYLE. MAYBE EVEN HERMIONE. BUT DEFINITELY NONE OF THE WEASLEYS!

Three hours later…

FR:  Still mad at you.

Me: Sorry…

FR: It’s too late to apologize…

Me: I’m so sorry. Celebrities intimidate me.

FR: Jerk!

The next day, after me telling her I’m (joke) mad at her about something…

FR: Listen. I’m still mad about the Weasley incident.

Me: I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll see them again.

FR: If you see them again and don’t ask them out for me this friendship is OVER!

Me: I’ll never let a Weasley look-a-like pass by without me harassing them again!

FR: I’m glad you’ve learnt your lesson.

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Filed under Good Times with good people, I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, Let the Lameness Roll, So Damn Excited, The Opposite of Romance

What a Creep.

I’m the creep in this scenario.

Big time.

Last night I had a bit to drink. Maybe a lot to drink.

The mayor of our town happened to be at this same bar.

And I’ve been on a really big Twitter kick.

I was drunk enough I’d get excited every time I saw the mayor.

So I tweeted about him every time I saw them.

It was a little stalker-ish. A lot stalker-ish.

And turns out he saw them. And responded. I’m a huge creep.

In the future, I’m never, ever, ever going near Twitter while drunk.

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Filed under Awkward Moments, I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, Uncategorized, Under the Influence

Vampire? You?

So I’ve been on a major vampire kick lately.

I blame watching my first episodes ever of Buffy the Vampire Slayer all within a few days.

For the record, I don’t actually believe in vampires. I don’t think.

But that hasn’t stopped me from carrying a wooden stake around with me after dark. Even into the bar.

Or threatening both strangers and friends with it.

Or asking almost everyone I know if they’re a vampire.

Or closely monitoring the eating habits of my semi-nocturnal roommate.

People probably think I’m very strange.

It’s just you can never be too prepared.

Constant vigilance.

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Filed under I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, My Strange Tendencies

Crushing

I’m crushing on a boy right now. Considering I’m about 85% lesbian, this is unexpected.

But so nice.

Also, I just logged onto Facebook, and I have two page suggestions: one for celery, and one for “Chest Bacon.” And a request to be a Sexy Santa Helper…sent to me from one of my mother’s friends.

That does not leave a good taste in my mouth.

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Filed under It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

This Post Will Contain Oversharing, Promise

You read the title. Now think about if you really want to read this one.

Think hard about it.

Thought about it?

Well, here goes.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps from that always-pleasant monthly visitor (sarcasm). Aunt Flo was in town. Painters and decorators were visiting. I don’t really know any other cute euphemisms. Best Friend’s significant other calls it dancing, but I like to dance for real, so that could easily get confusing.

Anyways, I made my sleep-drunk way to the bathroom, only to find that I was dangerously close to out of toilet paper. Like, five sheets close.

Not a good time to be living on the edge.

I’m going to spare any details here, so I’ll just say that I made do with what I had, got the situation under control, and went back to sleep.

This morning when I woke up, I went in search of toilet paper. In an effort to save money this semester, I haven’t been buying toilet paper. I’ve been stealing it from my university. The library is usually a good place to score some toilet paper.

For the record, I steal whole rolls, I don’t just take a few sheets at a time. I’m not that weird.

But right now I’m sitting in the library’s main computer lab with a stolen roll of toilet paper in my bag. I’m a little terrified I’m going to be caught. But what would they really do? And why would they search my bag? Hopefully they won’t. We’ll see.

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Filed under I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

Another Weekend of Uncomfortable Moments

Visited a nearby town this weekend with Best Friend.  It was full of mildly awkward  moments.

First of all, I ran into the person mentioned in this post.

Then, Best Friend and I went into a sandwich shop to use the restroom. It was awkward enough telling the sandwich-maker person that I was only there to use the restroom, but while waiting for Best Friend to get out of the restroom, I knocked over the wet floor sign.

The sandwich-maker laughed and watched me while I tried to set it back up, then asked me to move it to another part of the floor, presumably because it would be more difficult for me to run into it over there.

After setting the sign back up, I rushed into the bathroom and dashed out of the shop as fast as I could without making a bigger fool of myself.

Later on, Best Friend and I were looking for somewhere to eat. We browsed the available restaurants for a while, and then saw a bar-type place that had a sign clearly stating “Lunch Served All Day.”

We got carded as we went in. Best Friend isn’t of drinking age yet, so the bouncer looked at his I.D., looked puzzled, and then said, “Well, just don’t drink.” It also happened to be 2 o’clock in the afternoon, not exactly prime getting-wasted hours.

We went in, and nobody looked at us. We decided to go up to the deck because the weather was nice. On the second floor, there were several servers around, but we still didn’t get any service. We sat down, waited for several minutes, and still nobody approached us. After feeling increasingly awkward about the situation, Best Friend and I decided to leave. We slunk out, being very careful to avoid eye contact with the bouncer we’d interacted with not ten minutes ago, and walked down the street to find somewhere else to eat.

We never found a place to eat; instead we met up with Best Friend’s parents and went shopping.

We were very hungry by the time we got home.

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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, Awkward Moments, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

Yeah, I’m Creepy Sometimes

Want to know what creepy thing I did today?

My blog stats showed that people had come to my blog from a Facebook site.

The Facebook of someone I’m not friends with.

So, I added him. And after he added me back, I searched his Facebook extensively looking for any sort of link to this blog.

I didn’t find one.

I am officially creepy.

Now comes the question of whether to defriend (or, according to Oxford, “unfriend,” but I’ll always be a defriend-er).

But let’s be honest, I’ll probably stay his creepy, unknown Facebook friend.

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Filed under It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward