Category Archives: Let the Lameness Roll

Overly Obsessed With Harry Potter

I just wanted to share the conversation I had via text messaging with a good friend/former roommate the other day while I was at work.

It’s about Harry Potter.  Here it is. Verbatim.

Me: Oh my god there are Weasley look-a-likes in the restaurant! The one who looks like the twins even has on a striped scarf!

Former roommate: KIDNAP THEM FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!

FR: But he has glasses, so maybe he’s more of a Percy.  The kid with him is totally a Charlie.  And I will try to kidnap them; they’re very tall!

FR: Percy was taller than the twins!

Me: Totally a Percy, then. I want them!

Me: I’m creepily staring at them. Decided it’s Percy and a cross between Ron and Charlie.

FR: Just ask the parents if you can have them!

Me: No parents around. Percy looks our age and they’re out on a brother-date! So fucking cute.


Me: I can’t just go up to Percy Weasley and ask him on a date for you!

FR: …Yes you can!!!!!

Me: Oh my god he even does the looking over the rim of his glasses thing I pictured Percy doing when he was a prefect!

FR: PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! unless charlie is near our age. Then him.

Me: The more I stalk him the more Ron he becomes.

Me: Ron is about half a foot taller than Percy.  But looks about 17. Percy looks in his early 20s.

FR: But I want ron!

Me: I think he’s talking about a college course now. He may be at least 18.

Me: Spoiler alert: they don’t have British accents.

FR: Did you ask them out for me?

Me: No. I’m sorry…

FR: Our friendship is over.

Me: I’m sorry. But you can’t just go up to the Weasleys and ask them out!



Three hours later…

FR:  Still mad at you.

Me: Sorry…

FR: It’s too late to apologize…

Me: I’m so sorry. Celebrities intimidate me.

FR: Jerk!

The next day, after me telling her I’m (joke) mad at her about something…

FR: Listen. I’m still mad about the Weasley incident.

Me: I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll see them again.

FR: If you see them again and don’t ask them out for me this friendship is OVER!

Me: I’ll never let a Weasley look-a-like pass by without me harassing them again!

FR: I’m glad you’ve learnt your lesson.


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Filed under Good Times with good people, I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, Let the Lameness Roll, So Damn Excited, The Opposite of Romance

I’m Back (in school)

So I’m back into school now.

About time.

Talk about last minute.

It was the first day of classes and I was on the phone all day crying and pleading for them to figure out why I couldn’t register.

The secretary in our provost’s office is a goddess, by the way.

I’m seriously considering sending her flowers.

Except I won’t, because I’m cheap. But I have some very pretty thank you cards.

I’d been on the verge of a breakdown for the past few days, then at around 1:30 yesterday, Secretary/Goddess called me saying, “Oh, someone forgot to mark you as re-admitted. You’re good to go.”

One little check mark caused me all that pain.

But none of that matters now; I’m back in to school!

And now I’m going to go enjoy all the benefits of being in college, like free gym access, cheap healthcare, and the impressive DVD collection in the library.

(I’m only taking six credit hours, I’ll have plenty of time to enjoy these perks.)

So, yeah. I’m going to go do that now.

P.S. With unlimited access to campus computers (another perk!), I should be posting more now. A lot more. At least more than once every few months.

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Filed under I'm making fun of me, Let the Lameness Roll, So Damn Excited, studying

Apparently there IS such a thing as partying too hard

I had a fantastic Friday night.

Followed by a miserable Saturday. Not hung over, just congested, high fever. Whatever.

Took Saturday night off from drinking like a responsible person.

I wasn’t too upset by this because the Tuesday of finals week is the big night of the semester. Everyone goes out because there are never any finals scheduled on Wednesday.

So I was saving up.

Unfortunately, by Tuesday I wasn’t really feeling any better.

But, like the true champion I am, I decided to go out anyway. I mean, it’s Reading Day Eve.

It was a pretty fantastic night.

There were parties happening on almost every street corner.

Two of my roommates and I split a bottle of whiskey (on top of the random beers and margaritas I had consumed along the way).

I smoked probably half a pack of cigarettes. Maybe more.

There was so much dancing.

And, like the week before, I woke up miserable.

Except this time it was serious. I wasn’t just feverish and congested, I was coughing up blood.

I’ve heard that’s generally something you don’t want your body to do.

Fortunately, I got to the doctor today, got on some antibiotics, and am going to be fine.

But I may have learned an important lesson here. Don’t party while you’re sick.

On the other hand, it was such a good night.

Yeah, I would make the stupid decision again.

I’d party again.


Fuck my health.


Filed under Celebrations, Good Times with good people, I'm making fun of me, Let the Lameness Roll, Things I don't like about the World, Under the Influence

I really don’t know…

Someone at work keeps flirting with me. But he has one of those personalities where I can’t tell if it’s in jest or not. I think it is. I hope so, because if not I probably look like a really big asshole.

I’m so awkward I can’t tell if a flirt is a joke or not.

How have I survived 22 years?

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Filed under Chronically Single, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, Let the Lameness Roll, Working

Super Trooper Lights are gonna find me?

Today I went for a run.

I don’t actually run, or really exercise at all, so it was more like a ran a block, walked three, then ran another block, then walked four or five.  I do plan to get better.  Slowly but surely. 

The highlight of this runstroll was that I listened to the ABBA Gold play list the entire time.

I get more pleasure out of ABBA than is really reasonable.  Every time a car came by I had to stop mouthing the words.


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Filed under I'm making fun of me, Let the Lameness Roll

I Didn’t Realize Even Breakups Could Cost Me Money

So, I girlfriend broke up about a week ago, got back together, then I broke up with her again, and then we got back together for a few tumultuous days.  Then this afternoon she asked if we could just be friends.

What could I do?

I went to the grocery store to get the mandatory break-up Doritos, fashion magazine, and lemonade to mix my vodka with.

But, because nothing at all in my life can go right, my debit card decided not to work.  Even when we typed in the numbers.  There’s money in my account, I checked before I went.  More than enough to cover the $10 I spent at the grocery store.

So I, after several attempts by multiple people to make my card work, had to go home to get cash.  Of course I never have cash, so I stole some money from my sister. But don’t worry, faithful readers, I’ll return it.  Hopefully before she even realizes it’s gone.  Unethical, but whatevs.

Did I mention that I live in a small town, so I knew three our of the four people who tried to help me?

It’s so embarrassing to not even be able to buy your own breakup necessities.

But at this point I’m drunk enough I don’t reeeeeeaaaaaallllllllllyyyyy care.  Although I have a feeling I won’t want to go to the grocery store for a few days.

And I’ll have to figure out why my card isn’t working. Fuck.

(And thank god for spell check.)

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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, Constant money problems, Girlfriend, Let the Lameness Roll, Where I live

(Don’t wanna be) All By Myself

So, I was supposed to go home yesterday. I walked in my university’s commencement ceremony on Saturday (even though I’m not really graduating until August). I’m supposed to be home and searching for temporary jobs until I find out about more permanent stuff right now.

But I’m not.

My car decided to stop working yesterday.  It’s about 12 years old, so it has minor problems pretty regularly.  But yesterday was a really inconvenient time for this to happen.

So what’s happening is I’m staying in in the now-almost-empty town, just watching ridiculous amounts of trashy television.  I’ve never seen Days of Our Lives before this week, but now I have.  Twice.

The garage doesn’t have any openings until Friday morning.  I dropped my car of today (which is Tuesday), with the hopes someone would cancel and they’d work it in.

But until then I’m going to keep hanging out at my apartment.  To keep things interesting, I don’t know when my roommate arranged for the water and electricity for our apartment to be cut off. I run the faucet every time before I use the bathroom every time.

I’ve been drinking since 11:00 this morning.  I’m playing drinking games to Jeopardy now.  By myself.  Because there is nobody I know left in town.

Oh my goodness.  I don’t know what to do with myself.

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Filed under Let the Lameness Roll, Random, What Now?, Where I live