So Curly-haired Crush and I are sometimes more like five-year-olds on a playground than college students in a serious relationship.
She came over to my apartment to eat lunch today. We had fried egg sandwiches covered in delicious chili sauce.
Om nom nom. I eat this on everything. Even spaghetti.
And then I started chasing her around the apartment trying to kiss her. And she ran from me. Very first grade.
And when I was about to catch her, my foot caught on the hem of my pants and I fell. Hard.
A few moments later my roommate stuck her head out of her bedroom and informed me the force of my crash had made things fall off of her desk.
My knee is bruised.
I feel like I was much more graceful when I was five.
I’m the creep in this scenario.
Last night I had a bit to drink. Maybe a lot to drink.
The mayor of our town happened to be at this same bar.
And I’ve been on a really big Twitter kick.
I was drunk enough I’d get excited every time I saw the mayor.
So I tweeted about him every time I saw them.
It was a little stalker-ish. A lot stalker-ish.
And turns out he saw them. And responded. I’m a huge creep.
In the future, I’m never, ever, ever going near Twitter while drunk.
So I seem to attract mentally ill people.
I’m not sure. Curly-haired crush told me it’s because my mother works with special ed students, so I just know how to interact with them.
Well, for whatever reason, I was asked on a date by a 50-year-old mentally ill man at work today.
Basically, he started out trying to figure out when I work.
I politely turned him down by telling him I close every night this week.
Later on I came by to see if he needed a refill.
“Sara, would it make a difference if I had a quarter of a million dollars? What would you think of that?”
Um, no. You’re old enough to be my father.
“Well, I’m happy for you.”
Later on his best friend came into the restaurant. I asked him how he was, and said he was fine, but his friend was down because he’d been rejected by a girl.
After realizing the girl he was upset about was me, I told the friend to pass on the message that it’s nothing personal, I’m just already seeing someone.
Last night I had a rather strange conversation with one of my new coworkers.
We’d talked a little bit throughout me working that day, but this was our first actual conversation.
Him: Can I ask you a few weird questions?
Me: Um, okay.
Him: How old are you?
Him: Are you in school?
Me: Not right now.
Him: Have you worked other places in Kirksville.
Me: McDonald’s, Maritz, that’s it.
Him: Okay, thanks.
Me: Were you trying to figure something out?
Him: I’ll explain. I’ve been talking to a girl named Sara online. She’s 23 and from here. And she looks just like you. We haven’t met yet. But I just texted her asking what she’s doing tonight and she said she was working until late.
Then I stupidly assumed that all people who meet online are doing it for dating purposes.
Me: Oh, it wasn’t me. And couldn’t have been…I’m not interested in men.
Him: Oh, it’s just friendship.
Me: Oh my god I’m so sorry.
Him: No, no. It’s okay.
Me: [Awkwardly hid my face and walked out of the room]
Later on we both apologized and things weren’t especially awkward. Although I’m not sure what he was apologizing for…
Just walking along on my university’s campus, I felt the urge to smoke, but didn’t have my lighter on me.
Fortunately, I ran into a friend who smokes just a few steps later.
After borrowing her lighter, we had a quick conversation about cigarette preferences. I was so non-awkward, it was something to be proud of.
Then, I ruined my streak:
Friend: “So where are you headed?”
Me: “My apartment. I need to floss my teeth. There’s food stuck in them and it’s really uncomfortable.”
Friend: (Laughter) “I’m going to send that out in an email.”
Smooth move, Sarah. Smooth.