Tag Archives: bathroom issues

This Post Will Contain Oversharing, Promise

You read the title. Now think about if you really want to read this one.

Think hard about it.

Thought about it?

Well, here goes.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps from that always-pleasant monthly visitor (sarcasm). Aunt Flo was in town. Painters and decorators were visiting. I don’t really know any other cute euphemisms. Best Friend’s significant other calls it dancing, but I like to dance for real, so that could easily get confusing.

Anyways, I made my sleep-drunk way to the bathroom, only to find that I was dangerously close to out of toilet paper. Like, five sheets close.

Not a good time to be living on the edge.

I’m going to spare any details here, so I’ll just say that I made do with what I had, got the situation under control, and went back to sleep.

This morning when I woke up, I went in search of toilet paper. In an effort to save money this semester, I haven’t been buying toilet paper. I’ve been stealing it from my university. The library is usually a good place to score some toilet paper.

For the record, I steal whole rolls, I don’t just take a few sheets at a time. I’m not that weird.

But right now I’m sitting in the library’s main computer lab with a stolen roll of toilet paper in my bag. I’m a little terrified I’m going to be caught. But what would they really do? And why would they search my bag? Hopefully they won’t. We’ll see.

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Filed under I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

I Didn’t Really Pee My Pants, Really Truly

The other day I was made to go to my sister’s volleyball tournament. It was an all-day event, and for someone who barely passed gym and considers riding her bike to class sufficient exercise for the week, it was painful. And I was stuck there for several hours.

Within ten minutes of being there I was hit in the head by a stray volleyball. Half an hour later I got out my crossword puzzle. My mother and I struck a deal: I could work on my crossword while my sister was on the bench, and had to watch while she was in. I wasn’t completely faithful to this bargain, it’s really hard to watch 6 volleyball games when there are people in comas who are more athletic than you.

Eventually I had to go to the bathroom, as usually happens after serveral hours of sucking down rootbeers. I’m not a fan of public restrooms, but sometimes you just have to deal.

I have a really bad habit of leaning up against bathroom counters while I’m washing my hands. I just can’t seem to break it.

This occassionally leads to minor disasters.  Like this day.

I was wearing a skirt, I leaned against the bathroom counter, and got water all across my crotch region.

It really really looked like I peed my pants.  And I had to go outside.  And walk past a whole bleacher section worth of people.

I decided the best course of action was to hold my head up high, look people in the eye, and let them think what they wanted to.

This was very difficult to do when my mom’s best friend saw me for the first time in months and had to cover her laugh with her hand.  I knew what she thought.

And then my family laughed out loud.  And pointed.  And drew attention to it.

Awesome.  I’ve got to break this habit.

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Filed under Let the Lameness Roll, My family