Tag Archives: dumbasses in general

What a Creep.

I’m the creep in this scenario.

Big time.

Last night I had a bit to drink. Maybe a lot to drink.

The mayor of our town happened to be at this same bar.

And I’ve been on a really big Twitter kick.

I was drunk enough I’d get excited every time I saw the mayor.

So I tweeted about him every time I saw them.

It was a little stalker-ish. A lot stalker-ish.

And turns out he saw them. And responded. I’m a huge creep.

In the future, I’m never, ever, ever going near Twitter while drunk.

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Filed under Awkward Moments, I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, Uncategorized, Under the Influence

Apparently there IS such a thing as partying too hard

I had a fantastic Friday night.

Followed by a miserable Saturday. Not hung over, just congested, high fever. Whatever.

Took Saturday night off from drinking like a responsible person.

I wasn’t too upset by this because the Tuesday of finals week is the big night of the semester. Everyone goes out because there are never any finals scheduled on Wednesday.

So I was saving up.

Unfortunately, by Tuesday I wasn’t really feeling any better.

But, like the true champion I am, I decided to go out anyway. I mean, it’s Reading Day Eve.

It was a pretty fantastic night.

There were parties happening on almost every street corner.

Two of my roommates and I split a bottle of whiskey (on top of the random beers and margaritas I had consumed along the way).

I smoked probably half a pack of cigarettes. Maybe more.

There was so much dancing.

And, like the week before, I woke up miserable.

Except this time it was serious. I wasn’t just feverish and congested, I was coughing up blood.

I’ve heard that’s generally something you don’t want your body to do.

Fortunately, I got to the doctor today, got on some antibiotics, and am going to be fine.

But I may have learned an important lesson here. Don’t party while you’re sick.

On the other hand, it was such a good night.

Yeah, I would make the stupid decision again.

I’d party again.

Always.

Fuck my health.

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Filed under Celebrations, Good Times with good people, I'm making fun of me, Let the Lameness Roll, Things I don't like about the World, Under the Influence

This Day Needs to Die a Slow, Painful Death

So I really hate Valentine’s Day.

I’m extremely uncomfortable with any public form of romance (beyond the occasional quick kiss or one arm around the shoulder), and Valentine’s Day seems to be an excuse for people to walk around flaunting their couple-dom.

I also hate that those in relationships are expected to spend money just because of the day. Not okay. Do it because you really want to and feel like it, not because it’s Valentine’s Day.

I’ll admit I’m a little bitter. Curly-haired crush is still very far away (and we’re not officially a couple – we just know we will be when we’re finally in the same country again).

I’ve only been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day once, and it was with someone I didn’t actually like very much.

Maybe someday when I experience this horrible holiday with somebody I really love I’ll understand all the fuss, but for now I’m just going to sit around and be angry and annoyed at all the people who dare to look cute and happy in a restaurant or walking down the street just because it’s February 14th.

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Filed under The Opposite of Romance

Past Shenanigans

I usually like to write about things that have recently happened to me.

I like to keep it up-to-date.

But, as I have basically been snowed in for the past several days, with nobody else in the apartment, there haven’t really been opportunities for awkwardness.

I could write about watching three episodes of Star Wars in the past two days, most of the watching done without pants on, but that’s not so much awkward as…pathetic.

So, because I don’t have any recent material that’s any good, I’ll tell about one of the most awkward moments of my life.

This ridiculous night happened two years ago, while I was studying abroad in Ghana.

But even though it’s old, it’s totally worth sharing.

That night, I was hanging out with some friends at a club. There are three important things to remember about this night.

1) I was with one of my gay friends, and he was feeling very down about never getting a boyfriend. Also, being gay is illegal in Ghana. I was told if people were caught having homosexual sex, they’d be sent to jail.

2) I was still straight at the time. Pretty much completely straight.

3) I knew the owner of the club we were at, which meant I got to drink for free. And therefore was wasted.

At the club, there was a guy who was really into me. Really into me. Grinding on me and telling me how much he liked me.

Now, I wasn’t that into him, but Sad Gay Friend was interested, despite Horny Guy being straight.

So, in my drunken mindset, I decided that the thing to do, in order to make the night more enjoyable for everybody, was to let Horny Guy grind on me while Sad Gay Friend grinded (ground?) on him. Obviously the best option.

Well, that went on for a while.

Then we somehow moved to the women’s bathroom, and I was making out with Horny Guy while Sad Gay Friend continued to grind on him.

I was extremely extremely drunk at this point, so I didn’t really notice when Sad Gay Friend’s head crept around to the front of Horny Guy’s body.

And what might be happening didn’t register with me when Sad Gay Friend was on his knees between mine and Horny Guy’s bodies.

Until I felt his head there with my hand, and it came to me.

Sad Gay Friend was giving Horny Guy a blowjob.

While I made out with him.

But I still kept making out with Horny Guy.

It was his lucky night.

And that was my first unsuccessful threesome.

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Filed under Ghana

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Filed under Awkward Moments, Celebrations, The Opposite of Romance

Another Weekend of Uncomfortable Moments

Visited a nearby town this weekend with Best Friend.  It was full of mildly awkward  moments.

First of all, I ran into the person mentioned in this post.

Then, Best Friend and I went into a sandwich shop to use the restroom. It was awkward enough telling the sandwich-maker person that I was only there to use the restroom, but while waiting for Best Friend to get out of the restroom, I knocked over the wet floor sign.

The sandwich-maker laughed and watched me while I tried to set it back up, then asked me to move it to another part of the floor, presumably because it would be more difficult for me to run into it over there.

After setting the sign back up, I rushed into the bathroom and dashed out of the shop as fast as I could without making a bigger fool of myself.

Later on, Best Friend and I were looking for somewhere to eat. We browsed the available restaurants for a while, and then saw a bar-type place that had a sign clearly stating “Lunch Served All Day.”

We got carded as we went in. Best Friend isn’t of drinking age yet, so the bouncer looked at his I.D., looked puzzled, and then said, “Well, just don’t drink.” It also happened to be 2 o’clock in the afternoon, not exactly prime getting-wasted hours.

We went in, and nobody looked at us. We decided to go up to the deck because the weather was nice. On the second floor, there were several servers around, but we still didn’t get any service. We sat down, waited for several minutes, and still nobody approached us. After feeling increasingly awkward about the situation, Best Friend and I decided to leave. We slunk out, being very careful to avoid eye contact with the bouncer we’d interacted with not ten minutes ago, and walked down the street to find somewhere else to eat.

We never found a place to eat; instead we met up with Best Friend’s parents and went shopping.

We were very hungry by the time we got home.

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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, Awkward Moments, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

Stress for Silly Reasons

I just had a minor freak-out in the school library.

I have a presentation on Tuesday about a certain reading.  In typical me-style, I waited until the Thursday before I give it to even locate the reading. Tonight I had a spurt of responsibility, and decided to get it over with.

Except when looking at the library’s online catalogue, I realized the book I need is checked out until October 15th. My presentation is the 6th.

Holy shit.  NOT OKAY.

So then, with no other way to freak out, I requested every copy of the book in the state.

(My school’s library has this nifty, and useful, little thing where you can have books from another university’s library sent to our library.  Then you just check it out like a regular library book.)

After requesting all nine copies from various schools throughout the state, I decided to google the reading.

And found a well-respected academic site, which my professor has mentioned in class, with the full reading on it.

No freak-out necessary.

No requests necessary.

Not even any books were actually necessary.

Fail.

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Filed under studying, Things I don't like about Myself