Tag Archives: No mom I don’t have a boyfriend

Future Dating Possibility?

So I seem to attract mentally ill people.

I’m not sure. Curly-haired crush told me it’s because my mother works with special ed students, so I just know how to interact with them.

Well, for whatever reason, I was asked on a date by a 50-year-old mentally ill man at work today.

Basically, he started out trying to figure out when I work.

I politely turned him down by telling him I close every night this week.

Later on I came by to see if he needed a refill.

“Sara, would it make a difference if I had a quarter of a million dollars? What would you think of that?”

Um, no. You’re old enough to be my father.

“Well, I’m happy for you.”


Later on his best friend came into the restaurant. I asked him how he was, and said he was fine, but his friend was down because he’d been rejected by a girl.

After realizing the girl he was upset about was me, I told the friend to pass on the message that it’s nothing personal, I’m just already seeing someone.

Poor guy.


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Filed under Awkward Moments

Nondates and Magazines

“The only thing we’re really good at is blogging.”

-Best Friend

Exactly how I feel.

Have you ever been out with a friend and not been sure if it was a date or not?

I had that happen last night.

I’d bathed and shaved my armpits just in case, but wasn’t assuming anything.

When I got there, we sat on the deck and talked for several hours, but the whole time I didn’t know if it was a date.

There was even kissing at the end, but I’m still not completely sure if this was a date. I guess?

I don’t know if you can assume things like this if it’s under 5 minutes of making out.

Fuck, why am I so awkward?

In other news, Best Friend and I decided to make a lesbian magazine. I know there are already some out there, but we wanted one that would fill in the holes the others don’t fill.

Until we realized that we were trying to fill those holes because we want the answers to those questions. We can’t answer them because we don’t know.

We’ve got some style advice. Best Friend’s pretty stylish, and has a very stylish girlfriend. But when it comes to lesbian dating advice, we’re in the dark.

There’s not hope for us. I’m afraid this magazine idea may slowly fizzle and die, or we’ll bring in outside help.

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Filed under Chronically Single, Good Times with good people, I'm making fun of me, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward, The Opposite of Romance

I got Married

Not for real. As a joke. No legal stuff involved.

But there was a ring involved. And flowers.

I married Best Friend. In a garden on our campus. At 10:00 at night.

The Bride wore a short, low-cut red dress. The groom (other bride?) wore a jacket and jeans.

Because we’re classy.

To sum things up, it was magical, but some of the magic was probably lost when the Bride took the Best (wo)Man home at 4 a.m.

If you want a more detailed post, you should probably check out Best Friend’s post on the night’s shenanigans, http://brealsoskates.wordpress.com/2009/08/08/hookups/.

But, yeah. On my “wedding night,” I made out with someone else while still in the same room as the person I’d just married.

Oh, yeah.


Filed under Celebrations, Good Times with good people

Spontaneous Road Trip

My best friend and I went on a spontaneous road trip the other day.

It was completely spontaneous. Best friend was talking to her beau, and was like, “We should go see her.”

So we left. At 10:00 at night. It was almost a 4 hour drive. But we did it.

The awkward part came when we got there. We saw the beau. And then realized when we got there that we didn’t have anywhere to stay.

The Beau took us in, but as she lived with her parents, had to sneak us in. But we did it, got in without any problems.

I then had to borrow sleeping pants from the woman I’d met about 30 minutes before.

The next morning we all woke up, and realized we had no change of clothes, toothbrushes, or any other necessities. Best friend found some extra clean shirts in her car, and we both made that change in the middle of the road, outside the Beau’s house.

But despite these inconveniences, we went on from the Beau’s hometown to another town another 4 hours away, so the Beau’s friend could see her love interest.

This, again, with no plans.

We spent the day in a new town in a different state, and mostly left Beau’s best friend with her love interest, while Best Friend, the Beau, and I wandered around the town.

When it was time for us to leave, Beau’s best friend was not anxious to leave at all. But we got her out of there before too long.

When we got back to Beau’s hometown, Best Friend and I found out that the town we had started in had some heavy storms, so it wasn’t really safe to drive, especially so late.

So we stayed and the Beau’s house again, only this time her parents knew, so we were spared that awkwardness. Beau’s best friend also joined us.

By this time Best Friend and I had not showered, brushed our teeth, or changed our underwear in two days.

I borrowed the same sleeping pants, and ended up in the same bed as Beau’s best friend. In was surprisingly not awkward, considering it had been less than 24 hours since we met. I think her nonchalant manner about sleeping in the same bed as a stranger is what did it.

We woke up at about 7:30 the next morning, and had to hurry back for Best Friend to make her noon class.

Nonsense like this is what college is all about, right?

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Filed under Good Times with good people, Random, Seeing the World

This is why I don’t have a significant other

I was just eating dinner with my brothers, sister, mother, grandmother, and three of my cousins.

My youngest cousin, I think he’s nine, had made a really good cake for dessert. Like, reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllly good. So good I wolfed down one piece and went back for seconds. But that’s not saying much because I don’t have much self-control to begin with.

But this cake was amazing.

As we were eating the cake, my mother told my cousin, “Women like a man who can cook.”

She then immediately turned to me, caught me dropping food out of my mouth as I frequently do, and said, “Men like a woman who can keep her food in her mouth.”

We then went on to have a discussion about why each single person at the table was still single. Nevermind that the median age was 15.

We determined the reason I’m single is because I eat two pieces of cake in the time it takes most people to eat one, and then eat the crumbs I drop off my shirt.

I think there’s more to it, but that’s a little depressing. I hope my single-dom isn’t solely due to my inability to eat neatly. That just seems cruel. I enjoy food to much to make sure it isn’t falling off my fork/out of my mouth while I eat.

Stupid manners.

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Filed under Accidentally Awkward, My family

Don’t check me out

Last night I was at work and I got checked out twice.

Once, this creepy, old, extremely overweight man came through the drive-through and gave me an obvious up-and-down with raised eyebrows. And I shuddered in disgust/embarrassment.

Why do creepy old men think it’s okay to do that? It’s not. You still don’t have a chance with me even if you look at me like I’m a piece of meat.

The second time was an awkward teenager.

As I walked across the parking lot, he was walking the other way. Apparently he did a full turn-around/up-and-down after we passed. I was completely unaware, but my friend working the window saw it and told me.

That scenario isn’t okay, either.

Don’t obviously check me out like that. I am not some object there for your viewing pleasure.

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Filed under Working

Broken up.

She broke my heart and doesn’t care.
She says she just fell out of love with me.
There’s noone I can talk to about it because the relationship was a secret.
I’m so fucking depressed. I hate her for ever coming into my life.

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Filed under Chronically Single, Girlfriend, What Now?