I usually like to write about things that have recently happened to me.
I like to keep it up-to-date.
But, as I have basically been snowed in for the past several days, with nobody else in the apartment, there haven’t really been opportunities for awkwardness.
I could write about watching three episodes of Star Wars in the past two days, most of the watching done without pants on, but that’s not so much awkward as…pathetic.
So, because I don’t have any recent material that’s any good, I’ll tell about one of the most awkward moments of my life.
This ridiculous night happened two years ago, while I was studying abroad in Ghana.
But even though it’s old, it’s totally worth sharing.
That night, I was hanging out with some friends at a club. There are three important things to remember about this night.
1) I was with one of my gay friends, and he was feeling very down about never getting a boyfriend. Also, being gay is illegal in Ghana. I was told if people were caught having homosexual sex, they’d be sent to jail.
2) I was still straight at the time. Pretty much completely straight.
3) I knew the owner of the club we were at, which meant I got to drink for free. And therefore was wasted.
At the club, there was a guy who was really into me. Really into me. Grinding on me and telling me how much he liked me.
Now, I wasn’t that into him, but Sad Gay Friend was interested, despite Horny Guy being straight.
So, in my drunken mindset, I decided that the thing to do, in order to make the night more enjoyable for everybody, was to let Horny Guy grind on me while Sad Gay Friend grinded (ground?) on him. Obviously the best option.
Well, that went on for a while.
Then we somehow moved to the women’s bathroom, and I was making out with Horny Guy while Sad Gay Friend continued to grind on him.
I was extremely extremely drunk at this point, so I didn’t really notice when Sad Gay Friend’s head crept around to the front of Horny Guy’s body.
And what might be happening didn’t register with me when Sad Gay Friend was on his knees between mine and Horny Guy’s bodies.
Until I felt his head there with my hand, and it came to me.
Sad Gay Friend was giving Horny Guy a blowjob.
While I made out with him.
But I still kept making out with Horny Guy.
It was his lucky night.
And that was my first unsuccessful threesome.