Tag Archives: Let the Lameness Roll

Super Trooper Lights are gonna find me?

Today I went for a run.

I don’t actually run, or really exercise at all, so it was more like a ran a block, walked three, then ran another block, then walked four or five.  I do plan to get better.  Slowly but surely. 

The highlight of this runstroll was that I listened to the ABBA Gold play list the entire time.

I get more pleasure out of ABBA than is really reasonable.  Every time a car came by I had to stop mouthing the words.



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Filed under I'm making fun of me, Let the Lameness Roll

I’m Not so Hot at Making Jokes

I learned today that it is not really appropriate to make tapeworm jokes when you’re talking to someone you haven’t spoken to in years.  They won’t get it.

Then they’ll email you information about getting rid of tapeworms.

And you’ll have to explain that you don’t really have tapeworms.  And hope they’ll one day learn to shake your hand again.

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Filed under I'm making fun of you, It's my fault I'm so goddamn awkward

I Didn’t Really Pee My Pants, Really Truly

The other day I was made to go to my sister’s volleyball tournament. It was an all-day event, and for someone who barely passed gym and considers riding her bike to class sufficient exercise for the week, it was painful. And I was stuck there for several hours.

Within ten minutes of being there I was hit in the head by a stray volleyball. Half an hour later I got out my crossword puzzle. My mother and I struck a deal: I could work on my crossword while my sister was on the bench, and had to watch while she was in. I wasn’t completely faithful to this bargain, it’s really hard to watch 6 volleyball games when there are people in comas who are more athletic than you.

Eventually I had to go to the bathroom, as usually happens after serveral hours of sucking down rootbeers. I’m not a fan of public restrooms, but sometimes you just have to deal.

I have a really bad habit of leaning up against bathroom counters while I’m washing my hands. I just can’t seem to break it.

This occassionally leads to minor disasters.  Like this day.

I was wearing a skirt, I leaned against the bathroom counter, and got water all across my crotch region.

It really really looked like I peed my pants.  And I had to go outside.  And walk past a whole bleacher section worth of people.

I decided the best course of action was to hold my head up high, look people in the eye, and let them think what they wanted to.

This was very difficult to do when my mom’s best friend saw me for the first time in months and had to cover her laugh with her hand.  I knew what she thought.

And then my family laughed out loud.  And pointed.  And drew attention to it.

Awesome.  I’ve got to break this habit.

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Filed under Let the Lameness Roll, My family

How to Not get a date

I have an organizational formal-type thing coming up this weekend. And I still don’t have a date.  Pathetic, right?

See, the thing is, I’m awkward all the time, but especially around people I’m attracted to. I have a [BIG] crush on this one guy, but will I break down and ask him? No. I’ll go stag, and I’ll have a great time, but I could have a great time WITH a date. 

Why won’t I ask him? Because I’m so awkward, we only have contact when I have computer problems. He works at IT for my school (I know, you can think all the things you want about geeks at this point). All of our conversations have centered around virus-scanning software. From those conversations I have determined that he’s funny as hell, good with computers (a big bonus as I am awful with them), and he’s taller than me. 

He also kind of looks a little like that kid from the Goonies. Hot.

So, in my typical awkward, passive manner, I’ll let the week slide by.  I’ll think about going in and asking (I have no other way to contact him), decide not to, and go by myself on Friday.  Then, the next time I have computer problem (which will inevitably happen soon), I’ll go visit him, make a sorry excuse for flirting while wishing I’d asked him.

If only I would.

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Filed under Chronically Single, Let the Lameness Roll, Things I don't like about Myself