Drinking Solves Everybody’s Problems

Curly-haired Crush moved to Spain today.

She’ll be there for several months.

I feel like shit.

The best solution is probably to get drunk.

The Weekend

I stopped whining and got out of here for the weekend. I went back to the town I go to college in. I stayed with one of my good friends who also was just broken up with. She’s as awkward as I am.

It was pretty amazing. We drank, and I did that awkward thing where I tell things I shouldn’t when I drink too much.

We put together furniture.

We watched 30 Rock.

And I’m so excited to go back there to live soon.

What’s with me?

I’m an emotional wreck today.  I was fine, but then I let things get to me.

Last night I made out with a boy.  Fine and dandy.  Kissing and groping and whatnot.

Stupidly, I sent ex-girlfriend a drunken text.

Haha.  Now I’ve kissed someone since we broke up, too.

She’s been dating someone since a week after we broke up.  Maybe less, she didn’t give me exact time frames.

I’ve been fine with the breakup lately.  It’s over, it happened.  I don’t regret that it happened anymore.  But that she’s dating someone else already just makes me feel like I was only a distraction for her.  She was just wasting her time with me until something better came along.

I’ve never had great self-esteem.  And this has sent it plummeting through the floor.

Then, to add insult to injury, today the conversation escalated and she called me a whore.  Repeatedly.

And tell me how amazing her new woman is.

There’s nothing about your personality that I like.

It just brings up all these insecurities that I don’t have a good personality.  I already feel like people don’t like me.  I have zero charisma.  But I try so hard to be a good person.  And I hope other people can see that, but I wonder so often.

And she’s made me question everything good about myself.

Lonely

I’m not very good at making friends.

I think it’s because I’m so awkward.

Even when I’m introduced to people, I get this overwhelming sense that they don’t like me.  Or they’re ambivalent towards me.

So for whatever reason, I don’t have a lot of friends.  Even fewer when I’m home for the summer. 

I have no friends withing a 20 mile radius of me right now.

It makes for an incredibly depressing summer.

Enough Already

I’m done being angry.  I’m done hating.  I’m ready to move on.

I just needed some time to just be crazy. 

I should go a little crazy more often.  But probably not at the expense of somebody’s emotions like this time.

Now I can focus on the friends I’ve been neglecting.

Side note, I also need to find an apartment for next semester.  Better get on that.  Stat.