Don’t check me out

Last night I was at work and I got checked out twice.

Once, this creepy, old, extremely overweight man came through the drive-through and gave me an obvious up-and-down with raised eyebrows. And I shuddered in disgust/embarrassment.

Why do creepy old men think it’s okay to do that? It’s not. You still don’t have a chance with me even if you look at me like I’m a piece of meat.

The second time was an awkward teenager.

As I walked across the parking lot, he was walking the other way. Apparently he did a full turn-around/up-and-down after we passed. I was completely unaware, but my friend working the window saw it and told me.

That scenario isn’t okay, either.

Don’t obviously check me out like that. I am not some object there for your viewing pleasure.

What’s with me?

I’m an emotional wreck today.  I was fine, but then I let things get to me.

Last night I made out with a boy.  Fine and dandy.  Kissing and groping and whatnot.

Stupidly, I sent ex-girlfriend a drunken text.

Haha.  Now I’ve kissed someone since we broke up, too.

She’s been dating someone since a week after we broke up.  Maybe less, she didn’t give me exact time frames.

I’ve been fine with the breakup lately.  It’s over, it happened.  I don’t regret that it happened anymore.  But that she’s dating someone else already just makes me feel like I was only a distraction for her.  She was just wasting her time with me until something better came along.

I’ve never had great self-esteem.  And this has sent it plummeting through the floor.

Then, to add insult to injury, today the conversation escalated and she called me a whore.  Repeatedly.

And tell me how amazing her new woman is.

There’s nothing about your personality that I like.

It just brings up all these insecurities that I don’t have a good personality.  I already feel like people don’t like me.  I have zero charisma.  But I try so hard to be a good person.  And I hope other people can see that, but I wonder so often.

And she’s made me question everything good about myself.

Breakups

She broke my heart and doesn’t care.

She says she just fell out of love with me.

There’s noone I can talk to about it because the relationship was a secret.

I’m so fucking depressed. I hate her for ever coming into my life.

Hey Jealousy

There’s really only one major bad thing that’s happened in my relationship with Girlfriend.  I know we’ve only been dating 5+ months, but that’s seriously the only thing.

What Girlfriend did was make out with another girl.  In my bed.  It was a while ago, probably 4 months ago.

But I can’t seem to get over it.  The girl she made out with is (supposedly) straight, and they were both very very drunk.  That was a night that four girls consumed an entire fifth of Jose Cuervo in my apartment.  But I still can’t get over it.

We’ve talked about it.  A lot.  Even still. For a while I thought I’d moved on.  I didn’t mind them.

But then Girlfriend and her Drunken Make-out talked about how awkward it was for them that they’d made out.  Now they’re great friends.

And I’m incredibly jealous.

The most difficult part is that I can’t explain to people why I hate Drunken Make-out, least of all her.  I have to pretend to be nice.  I shouldn’t hate her, but I do.

(For those who don’t read this blog, which is everyone, Girlfriend and I are not openly a couple.  I’m also not supposed to know that Girlfriend and Drunken Make-out made out.  Girlfriend told me, but DMO doesn’t know I know.)

Now I feel like every minor fight stems from my jealousy over this other person.

I realize how ridiculous it is to be jealous.  But every time Girlfriend speaks about DMO in any way that isn’t hateful, I get jealous.
I can’t even take jokes about them. I hate the thought of them being alone together.

And I want to thing that I’m ridiculous and silly for feeling like this.  But I know that if I really thought it was ridiculous, I would be able to convince myself not to feel this way.  I just want to think it’s ridiculous.

Hopefully it’ll wear off soon.  Or DMO will transfer schools.

Maker your vote count!

So, you may have noticed that there’s an election coming up in a few days.  Like this Tuesday.  I live in Missouri, and one thing that really pisses me off is those who don’t mind casting an absentee ballot.  I understand if there’s no other option, but for most of the people I hear this from, they just don’t want to wait in line.

And why does this bother me?  Because absentee ballots in Missouri aren’t counted unless candidates running are withing 100 votes of each other.  And there are those who say this is okay, their ballots will only count if it’s important.  But this really bothers me.  Let’s say, completely hypothetically, that all of the 1,200 people who voted absentee voted for Nixon for governor.  And the ballots counted on election day have Hulshof winning by 300 votes. 

I know something this close won’t actually happen, but what if those who vote absentee vote overwhelmingly one way.  A lot of college students vote absentee, and, at least at Truman, they tend to vote overwhelmingly liberal.  So they aren’t being counted.

And that really pisses me off.