I just wanted to share the conversation I had via text messaging with a good friend/former roommate the other day while I was at work.
It’s about Harry Potter. Here it is. Verbatim.
Me: Oh my god there are Weasley look-a-likes in the restaurant! The one who looks like the twins even has on a striped scarf!
Former roommate: KIDNAP THEM FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!
FR: But he has glasses, so maybe he’s more of a Percy. The kid with him is totally a Charlie. And I will try to kidnap them; they’re very tall!
FR: Percy was taller than the twins!
Me: Totally a Percy, then. I want them!
Me: I’m creepily staring at them. Decided it’s Percy and a cross between Ron and Charlie.
FR: Just ask the parents if you can have them!
Me: No parents around. Percy looks our age and they’re out on a brother-date! So fucking cute.
FR: ASK PERCY ON A DATE FOR ME!!!!!
Me: I can’t just go up to Percy Weasley and ask him on a date for you!
FR: …Yes you can!!!!!
Me: Oh my god he even does the looking over the rim of his glasses thing I pictured Percy doing when he was a prefect!
FR: PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! unless charlie is near our age. Then him.
Me: The more I stalk him the more Ron he becomes.
Me: Ron is about half a foot taller than Percy. But looks about 17. Percy looks in his early 20s.
FR: But I want ron!
Me: I think he’s talking about a college course now. He may be at least 18.
Me: Spoiler alert: they don’t have British accents.
FR: Did you ask them out for me?
Me: No. I’m sorry…
FR: Our friendship is over.
Me: I’m sorry. But you can’t just go up to the Weasleys and ask them out!
FR: YES YOU CAN!
Me: NO YOU CAN’T! YOU COULD MAYBE DO THAT TO NEVILLE OR LUNA OR CRABBE AND GOYLE. MAYBE EVEN HERMIONE. BUT DEFINITELY NONE OF THE WEASLEYS!
Three hours later…
FR: Still mad at you.
FR: It’s too late to apologize…
Me: I’m so sorry. Celebrities intimidate me.
The next day, after me telling her I’m (joke) mad at her about something…
FR: Listen. I’m still mad about the Weasley incident.
Me: I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll see them again.
FR: If you see them again and don’t ask them out for me this friendship is OVER!
Me: I’ll never let a Weasley look-a-like pass by without me harassing them again!
FR: I’m glad you’ve learnt your lesson.